i have had enough

i want to be a real baby

not a fake baby

not a kid

not an adult

A BABY

cleaning is boring

i hate it

but i need to clean

my house is messy

dusty

but i clean it and it gets messy again

i am hardly even here

why does it get so messy so fast

i am big ba

i am happy

i love my little sibling

dada relkir painted my bedroom for me

i do not really sleep there normally

well i did not because i have my own home

but now baby retvik is here i will stay with mama and dada sometimes so i can be with the baby

and i have my own room for that

which dada relkir painted

they painted it mostly purple

light purple like my friend miisa

but there is one wall that they painted in a special black paint

it is dark but shiny but rough too

i can draw on the black bit with stuff called chalk

i will make it pretty

maybe i will draw my family

i love my family

my little sibling is growing fast

they can stand nearly

can crawl very well

but more importantly, retvik is starting to learn things

they know me and mama and dada

they are going on a big adventure soon

their forever home in phos

their first time on a shuttle and my second time

they might be scared but i will protect them

i love my little sibling

everyone says i look like kuta

but who is kuta

dada relkir says they were the general of deitic affairs

but they were more than that

they were like old mama elkay too

old evil me knows them

i do not think kuta is dead

i want to know more

i want to talk to kuta

baby baby baby baby baby

is all i can think about

i finish patrols i finish work i go straight back to mama gath’s mama and dada’s place and spend time with retvik

trying to teach them how to walk and talk

baby baby baby

i feed them a lot as well

and eat baby food

i am baby too still

will not admit it out loud

but i am

still retvik is more baby than me

i will make them happy

i love my little sibling

i had cookies with miisa today

mama said i was getting ‘clingy’ and that i needed a break

then i forgot that i did not tell miisa about my little sibling

so i took photos and showed them to miisa and miisa said retvik was very cute

miisa asked if maybe i wanted kids one day

i said no

wanted to say it was icky but did not want to make miisa sad

miisa is nice though

we are forever-friends

i drew retvik!

they are very small

already their head tip thing is small now

mine is longer

but retvik is very cute

they look just like dada relkir, they are also higher-caste like dada relkir, which is weird because mama gath is standard-caste

apparently normally a higher-caste and a soldier-caste make baby soldier-castes

it is weird

does not matter

i love my little sibling

they were just hungry

so i fed them

i like feeding retvik

they make happy giggles when i feed them

makes me happy too

i love my little sibling